That's a lot of days. It's a lot of time to not see your family and friends. People close to me have gotten married, had children, started new jobs. 2012 and the end of the world conspiracies that came along with it have passed. A President was re-elected. Gay marriage finally became legal in my home state, taking us one step closer to accepting people for who they are, not who we think they should be. So many tragedies and victories have occurred around the world.
This year was not an easy one. There were some days, some weeks, some whole months that I just wanted to be behind me.
I've never really been one for New Year's resolutions. For me personally, they seem like those short-term, extreme diets people go on to lose lots of weight fast, then when the diet is over the weight just comes bouncing back.
But if you can make the resolution into a complete change of lifestyle, I suppose that would be different. I came across a quote around the month of August, and it became my resolution for surviving the rest of my time living in Korea.
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| (image from "WeStopHate," facebook) |
We had certain goals when we moved to South Korea, and with careful planning and certain sacrifices we will accomplish these goals before we leave. Yet coming across these words woke me up a bit and made me realize that we shouldn't simply count down the days until our plane takes off from Incheon airport and we can say, "we did it!" Not that I'm not really looking forward to that moment, but whether this is our ideal situation or not we should still make each day count for something; not just check it off on the calendar and be glad it is over. It was a risk we took and we are accountable to live every day of it with our eyes open and full of gratitude for each other, the people that support us, and the fact that we have the means to make these types of life choices together.
I feel that we really took this to heart and the second half of our journey was so much more enjoyable because of it. This year as a whole has flown by, and I am incredibly glad to say that I stopped simply waiting for each day to be over. That's no way to live, no matter where you are or what your situation.
But now with that chapter of my life coming to an end, there are so many big decisions to be made about what comes next. It is not always easy to discover what is deepest in your heart, or what it is you want to spend your time working towards. Going home, I will need to come to a conclusion about what I want the next few years to look like. I spent so much of my life with a specific idea of what I wanted, and after my third year at university this vision started to slightly shift. Six years later I think it is still shifting and I'm not entirely sure what this new picture will look like. It's difficult to let old wants go, not knowing if you are letting them go because they are daunting to accomplish or because they are no longer your wants. If your wants become more simple, less selfish, is it because you have become passive in life or because your values have changed? There are so many paths one can take in life that will lead you in such opposite directions; how does one make the choice?
Jeanette Winterson, the author of my favorite book, "The Passion," wrote:
"I have a theory that every time you make an important choice, the part of you left behind continues the other life you could have had."
How lovely would it be if this were true? I have had so many opportunities in life, I love the idea that I could be experiencing them all, and the piece of me that would have taken a different path continues on somewhere.
I am anxious to see what 2013 will bring. The first half is looking pretty fantastic; nine weeks exploring Southeast Asia, including Thailand where a piece of my heart will always remain. Following that a month in Italy with my mom; a trip where I get discover more about one of my favorite places with one of my favorite people. After that I guess I just have to put enough faith in myself and those around me to believe that the decisions that come will be taking me in a direction I am meant to go.
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| (image from Women's Tea Time, facebook) |
